Dentist!, is a song in the musical It is sung by Orin Scrivello, D.D.S to describe how he is a sadist, and that has allowed him to become a successful dentist. It is Sung by Orin, with harmony by Crystal, Ronnette, Chiffon, and lines by several people in the dentist office.

In addition to the version featured on the soundtrack album, the Steve Martin version was issued as a slightly-extended remixed single which includes sound FX, dialogue (featuring Bill Murray) and the Greek chorus's additional line "He's strictly a medical mess!"


(1986 Movie Version)

Orin Crystal, Ronnette, Chiffon Patients
When I was younger,
just a bad little kid,
My momma noticed funny things I did,
Like shootin' puppies with a BB gun,
I'd poison guppies and when I was done,
I'd find a pussy cat and bash in its head!
That's when my momma said,
What did she say?
She said my boy, I think someday,
You'll find a way,
To make your natural tendencies pay,
You'll be a Dentist!
Be a dentist!
You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son, be a Dentist!
Son, be a dentist!
People will pay you to be inhumane!
Your temperament's wrong for the Priesthood,
And teaching would suit you still less!
Son, be a Dentist! Dentist!
You'll be a success!
Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas, oh my god!
He is a Dentist, and he'll never, ever be any good,
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
(Spoken) Oh, that hurts!
Wait! I'm not numb!
(Spoken) Eh, shut up, open wide, here I come!
(Singing) I am your Dentist! Goodness Gracious!
And I enjoy the career that I picked!
You love it!
I am your Dentist! Fitting braces!
And I get off on the pain I inflict! You really love it!
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid! Ooh, bicuspid
Its swell, they tell me I'm maladjusted!
And though it may cause my patients distress..
Somewhere in heaven above me,
I know that my momma's proud of me!
(Spoken, like Elvis) Oh, Momma!
(Singing) 'Cause I'm a Dentist! Dentist!
And a success!
Say ah!
Ahhh! Ahhh!
Say Ahhhhh!
Ahhhh! Ahhhh!
Now, spit!